Quieting Myself

This post is going to be a bit sporadic but bear (bare?) with me. Have had a lot on my mind recently but it all (kind of) blends together to create a cohesive whole. I'll attempt to bring myself back to college paper-writing and "pull it all together" somehow, promise. :)

Lately I've been really dwelling on quieting myself, on being less, doing less, consuming less and thus in turn, giving more of myself to God, my family, friends, and others. It's always a natural, ingrained response this time of year- when the weather becomes colder, the season of rebirth sets in, and Christ is impressed upon our hearts.

However it is also SO easy to get caught up in the OTHER side of the season- the consuming, the wanting, the (sometimes) loneliness, the cold, the stress, the overindulgence, the mass-hysteria of buying, spending, eating, and traveling. It's easy to lose sight of the former and fall headfirst into the madness.

I recently read a quote (from who knows where) that said, "Gratitude turns what we have into enough." My thoughts have camped here lately. Whenever I fall into even an iota of want.buy.need.stress. I remember this simple phrase and feel an instant calm.

I am thankful. I have all I need. I am not in want. I am BLESSED.

It's difficult though, as someone whose love language is gift-giving, I enjoy buying and giving gifts to anyone and everyone- from my sons to the mailman. I just enjoy it. Thus- if it's a love language, is it really bad? No. But it can become too much and I've had to refocus my mind on what's really important- buying a gift for a friend or just spending time with that same friend? Or how about praying for (or with) that friend? When I think in these terms the tangible gift seems meaningless. It is meaningless.

I'm not out to be the scrooge here, giving gifts is a JOY. I love it. Every year I spend too much doing it because it brings me unending happiness to see others enjoy something I spent time picking out or making. I'm not big on receiving gifts- unless I know that the other person put ample time and thought into something that would really speak to MY heart, but receiving gifts just to have them? Ridiculous. Save your money! It's silly. Really.

This year, my goal is to either 1) Make the gift, 2) Buy the gift from either a local vendor or Etsy artisan- thus buying within my own country/state and supporting people rather than corporations, or 3) Buying a gift that gives back in some way (i.e. Tom's shoes, Gospel for Asia catalog). But other than that- I'm really focusing simply on giving of myself more. Being with others, praying for others, serving in whatever capacity I am able. For me, this often means cooking/baking for various events, functions, people. I adore this act of service and thus my stove has rarely been turned off these past few weeks. That too, is another joy of mine.

However the more I "do" the more crazed I become so, again, I've been turning to quieting myself. On turning the TV off, walking away from the computer (ha- like I'm doing right now :)), on turning my phone on silent. In this way I'm making myself MORE available than ever before. More available to my husband, to my children, more available to God (and less available to Pinterest, Facebook, blog-reading, t.v. shows, texting). My focus has been on spending time with my boys, getting in the Word, journaling, lighting a candle and turning on Christmas music, partaking in a on filling my homes with aromas of cinnamon, bread, and roasts and "unplugging" myself from the hysteria.

There are far too many distractions this time of year and the more involved I become in them, the further away I am pulled from what truly matters.

I want to be quieted. I long to be silenced. I really just want to rest. in. the. waiting.

I also want my children to be at peace, content with what they have- a loving family and a great God. A God who humbled Himself fully by becoming the littlest of creatures, a child, a baby. I pray that my children seek the calm of the season, anxious not for getting mere things, but for receiving the very thing their lives hinge upon: Their Savior.

I'm not trying to sound churchy here. Really. I've been continually dwelling on this concept these past few weeks. I need to get my head around it. Because when you read about women pepper-spraying each other over a $2 waffle iron on Black Friday something is amiss- to put it VERY mildly. When did we become so self-focused? When did the Advent season become about such superficiality?

When did we lose our sense of peace, contentment, and humble silence? When will we be slapped back into reality that IT. ISN'T. ABOUT. US.? It never has been, never will be.

I'm so tired of the way we've become. So fed up with selfish ambition and greed, with the attitude of WANT. GET. MINE. ME.

Come Lord Jesus. I find myself speaking this over and over and over to myself daily. When I hear of something ridiculous or when I, gasp, want something I don't need that's entirely impractical (and let's be honest, too much money!).

Come Lord Jesus. Where are you? Let me rest here, now, with You. Let my children always be comforted only by You. Let my contentment and satisfaction come only from You.

Let my mind be brought back to a place of rest, of eager anticipation for Your Coming.

Advent season is here. Have you noticed? Have you even remembered? I find myself forgetting. But it's here. Christ is here in all of this. He never left. He's waiting.

Stop thinking of myself. Just STOP.

Think of Him. He is coming. Am I ready?

Am I?

Are you?

[Quieting myself]